Guilty
by Heather13
Summary: Something happens to James and memories from their past cause Logan to feel guilty. -Crappy summary and crappy title but the story is good! Rated k  just to be safe.


Hello! Now I am still working on 'The Game' so don't worry! This is just something that has been nagging me for awhile. I realize that there are similar stories out there and I apologize to anyone who feels I stole their plot because that was not my intention. Anyways I hope you enjoy! And of course BTR isn't mine...no matter how badly I want them!

It seemed like an ordinary day. Me, Kendall, James and Carlos were just goofing around at roque records while Gustavo was yelling at us. We were in the dance studio and James and I were doing back-flips while Carlos and Kendall just danced around us. I looked over at Gustavo and Kelly, Gustavo looked like he was about to explode while Kelly just looked at us laughing. I have no clue how we would have been able to survive Hollywood without Kelly.

"Haha guys, check out Gustavo's face!" Carlos exclaimed.

"DOGS! STOP GOOFING OFF AND GET TO WORK!" Gustavo bellowed at us. We quickly stopped goofing off and snapped to order.

"Alright, since you dogs seem to have so much energy this morning you four are gonna be doing choreography today." With that Gustavo and Kelly walked out and Mr. X came rushing in. We all groaned and went to the dance bar on the far side of the room. Mr. X was pushing us hard, repeating steps over and over with no breaks. Suddenly I heard wheezing, I looked back to see James holding his chest as his eyes got really wide.

"James!" I yelled and rushed over to him as he collapsed to his knees. I started rubbing circles on James' back as he struggled to breath.

"James, calm down. Try taking deep breaths, do you have your inhaler in your bag? Squeeze my hand if you do." He made eye contact with me and squeezed my hand.

"Carlos! Go get his inhaler out of his bag!" I yelled. Carlos ran off quickly. Kendall knelt down and helped me as I tried to calm James down. Mr. X had run to get Gustavo and Kelly. This was a little known fact about James. He had asthma really badly. He wasn't born with it though, and it was partly my fault he had it.

_Flashback_

We were 8. It was the first snow of the season. We had a tradition, the first snow of the season we would go play hockey on the frozen pound by Kendall's house. We met at Kendall's house that morning and headed over to the pound in the early afternoon. We walked around the pound trying to find the weaker spots so we could avoid them. Kendall and James were the best at finding them. Carlos was to spastic to focus on anything for very long and I hadn't lived in Minnesota for very long at that point so I was still getting used to the ice and snow. Kendall carefully skated over to a few weak spots pointing them out and making sure we knew where they were. When he was sure we knew where they were we started our game. It was Kendall and Carlos against James and myself. I wasn't all that great at hockey but James never seemed to mind being on my team. I usually stuck with goalie while he played offense. Kendall was on offense today. James liked it when Kendall was on offense, the 2 of them were about the same height-Kendall being only a few inches shorter-so James didn't have to hold back as much as he did for Carlos. The game was getting intense. It was a tied game with 4 points each. Kendall had the puck and was coming up to score. He shot and I dived to grab the puck, landing hard on my side. I grunted as the puck slipped past my glove and into the net. Kendall and Carlos started cheering, this had been game point and as usual I made James lose. I looked up as he skated to me.

"You alright Logan?" He said as he helped me get up.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry for making you lose again."

"Dude, that was an amazing dive! You didn't make us lose! You've improved a ton since you moved here!"

"Than why are we still losing?"

"Logan, Kendall and Carlos have been playing longer than you. You're still learning! How about we stay here and I'll help you with defense?"

"Alright. Thanks."

"GUYS! Carlos and I gotta go home! Are you coming?" Kendall said skating up to them.

"No, Logan and I are gonna shoot around for awhile."

"Alright. See you tomorrow." Kendall and Carlos skated away.

"So do you wanna work on offense or defense first?" James asked me.

"Um...defense?"

"Alright, go get in position. I'll take shots from around the pond and see how many you can block."

I skated over and got into position.

"Ready?" James called out.

"Ready" I nodded.

James began shooting pucks into the goal as I tried to block them. I tried over and over again to block the shots but I only ended up blocking a few.

"Ugh! This is stupid!"

"Logan, it's not stupid. You just have to practice more. You'll get it, I promise."

"Whatever. I'm so tired of this. I suck at hockey! Let's just leave."

I started walking towards the edge of the pond, hitting the ice as hard as I could with my skates.

"LOGAN! STOP!"

"No James! I'm done for today!"

"NO, Logan seriously just stop walking!"

"NO! I'M LEAVING!"

"LOGAN!"

I heard a cracking noise and looked down. The ice was breaking. I quickly whipped my head around and looked at James who was skating over as face as he could. With one loud pop the ice beneath me broke and I was plunged into dark water. The water stole my breath away. It instantly froze all my fingers and I started panicking. I looked for the hole I had come through but I couldn't find it. I began thrashing in the water and trying to escape the cold. I felt something grab my waist and in all the confusion and panic I started hitting whatever had grabbed me. I got a few good hits in as I felt the grasp loosen before tightening again. Finally the adrenaline left me and I passed out. When I came too I felt tapping on my cheek. I opened my eyes to see a shivering and very wet James above me.

"L..Logan? A..are you al..alright?" He said with a shaking jaw.

"What happened?" I wasn't nearly as cold as James seemed to be.

"Y..you f..fell in the w..water. S...stay here while I g..get help. W..whatever you d..do don't f..fall asleep."

I nodded as James took off in a sprint. I looked down and saw that I was wrapped in James' coats and his scarf. I slowly pieced together everything. After the ice had cracked James ripped of his jackets and scarf and jumped in. He was the one I kept hitting! My eyes widened in realization. The guilt I suddenly felt was immense. My eyes were getting heavy but I knew I needed to stay awake. I started doing math problem in my head to stay awake. On my fourth or fifth problem I heard a group of people running towards the pound. Looking over I saw James, followed by Kendall, Carlos, Mrs. Knight, and a group of paramedics. I was slightly shocked to see how quickly the paramedics had gotten here. James came running up to me, out of breath and still shaking. His lips were turning a slight blue color and his face was pale. The last thing I remember was James' eyes rolling back in his head and he passed out onto the cold ground, and I did the same.

When I woke up again I was at the hospital. I blinked a few time getting used to the light. As I looked around my room I saw my parents sitting across from me talking.

"Mom?" I questioned, my throat hoarse.

"Hey Logan. How are you feeling?"

I thought a bit before I answered her.

"I'm alright. My throat kinda hurts though." I sat back and suddenly everything came flashing back to me.

"Mom, where's James? Is he alright?"

My mom looked down, then to my father.

"Logan, James is sick. He's really tired so he's been resting for awhile."

"How sick is he? Is he gonna be alright? When can I see him?"

"Logan, he's really sick. The doctors haven't come out and told us what exactly is wrong with him. He's probably gonna have to stay here for awhile."

"But he's gonna be okay right? Can I see him soon?"

"He's strong Logan, he's gonna be alright. The doctors want to check you over again and then maybe later today we can go see James."

I nodded as my dad got up and went to go get the doctor. A few minutes later my doctor came in.

"Hey Logan, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. My throat hurts a little though."

"That's to be expected. You have a very mild case of hypothermia. Just get a lot of rest and stay warm and you'll be fine."

He shook hands with my parents and then left the room.

"Can we go see James now?"

After I had put on a dry pair of clothes my mom had brought me, we headed over to another area of the hospital. There was a small waiting room where Mrs. Knight, Katie, Kendall and Carlos were sitting. Mrs. Knight looked up as we approached.

"Hey Challen, they released Logan. He's gonna be fine."

"That's good. Hey Logan, Kendall, Carlos and Katie are over there if you wanna go talk with them." She said turning to me. I started walking but I slowed my pace so I could hear them talking.

"Any news on James?"

"Nothing. The doctor hasn't come talked to us yet. I'm not sure if he'll even tell us anything since we aren't the legal guardians."

"Have you got in touch with his parents yet?"

"No. Kyle is on a business trip and Candice isn't answering her phone. It's not like their around for him very much anyways. He pretty much lives with me."

"I know Challen. He's such a sweet kid. I don't understand how anyone could ignore a child like that."

I wiped the tears away from my face as I walked over the my friends.

"Hey guys."

"Hey Logan! Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah I'll be fine."

"So what happened after we left anyways?"

"Well James had offered to help me work on defense. We were shooting around and I got really frustrated. I stormed off. I didn't realize it but I was walking straight towards a weak spot of ice. James tried to warn me but I ignored him. The ice cracked and I fell in. I felt something grab me around my waist and I struggled against it until I passed out. When I woke up James was sitting over me. He had wrapped me in his jackets and ran to go get y'all. And that's all I know. It's all my fault."

Kendall sighed and walked over to me, putting an arm around my shoulder.

"Logan, yes you made some bad choices but James wouldn't want you to blame yourself for it. He's gonna be fine. I've known him a long time and he is very stubborn. He's not gonna let this keep him down."

I nodded and walked over and sat down next Carlos. We sat in awkward silence for a little bit before the door to the waiting room opened and a doctor walked in.

"James Diamond?"

7 heads looked up to the doctor. Kendall, Carlos, Katie and I rushed over the adults.

"Are you all family?"

"We might as well be, I couldn't get in touch with either of his parents but he's been staying with me. What's wrong with him?" Mrs. Knight said.

"Normally I wouldn't be allowed to release the information but under these circumstances I will. James has a pretty bad case of Pneumonia. We put a breathing tube in to give his lungs a break. We'll remove it when he wakes up. He had a slight concussion and some bruising on his face. We're guessing he hit his head and face on something under the water. He's gonna have to stay here for a few weeks until the Pneumonia is gone. His immune system is really weak right now so if you want to go see him you will have to wear masks. If any of y'all are feeling ill you will have to wait to visit him until you feel better. He is resting now and y'all are welcome to go see him. He should be waking up shortly. When he does wake up keep him calm, until we can get a nurse or myself in to remove the breathing tube. He's in room 108 and there are masks on the cart outside it. I'm Dr. Hunt if you need anything."

We all nodded and headed toward the room. I went over to my mom and tapped on her hand.

"What is it Logan?"

"Am I allowed to see James?" I was confused. I didn't really feel sick, except for my sore throat., but I didn't want to accidentally get James sick.

"As long as you wear the mask and are really careful around him you can. If you start feeling any worse though let one of us know alright?"

I nodded and ran to catch up with Kendall and Carlos. We walked over to the cart and put masks on. Quietly we opened the door and walked over to the bed. We sat down in the chairs near James' bed. The adults walked in behind us and stood behind our chairs. We sat in silence for a few moments before we saw James' eyes flutter open.

"Hey James, don't freak out. You're at the hospital and you have a breathing tube in your throat. We're gonna get the doctor to come in and take it out shortly but until then don't fight it, just let it breath for you." Mrs. Knight quickly explained. My dad seemed to have gone to find the doctor. A few minutes later my dad and the doctor came in.

"Hey James, ready to get the breathing tube out? On the count of 3 I need you to cough as hard as you can alright? 1...2...3..."

James began coughing as the tube slid out of his throat. He continued coughing after the tube was gone. After his coughing had died down the doctor left the room.

"Hey guys." James said weakly.

"Hey James, how are you feeling? Mrs. Knight asked.

"Eh, I've been better." James said smiling. "Hey, can I talk to Logan alone for a minute?"

He asked and my heart dropped. He was probably pissed at me. I was the reason he was in the hospital.

"Sure honey. If you need anything just hit the call button." My mom said as she and everyone else left the room.

"Hey Logan."

"Hi James."

"How are you feeling?"

"Me? I'm fine. Look if you're mad at me just say it. I can take it."

"Logan, why would I be mad at you?"

"Because this is all my fault."

"Logan. I'm not mad at you. You didn't know better. I don't regret the choice I made. I would make the same choice every time."

"So you're not mad?"

"Nope. Not at all."

Despite what he told me I couldn't help but feel guilty for the entire month he was in the hospital recovering. I felt the guilt pull on my heart every time he got sick, or he had an asthma attack, or he had to sit out of a game because he forgot his inhaler. The pneumonia I gave to him gave him asthma. After he was released he spent the majority of his time sick. The pneumonia had weakened his immune system so he was prone to sickness. Eventually he started to overcome it. He began working out more to regain some of the weight he lost and he began singing to strengthen his lungs. He had recovered well for someone who was so sick but I still couldn't help be feel responsible for the whole mess.

_Flashback ends_

I was shaken from the memory when Carlos came running in.

"I got it!" Carlos yelled.

He threw it to me and I swiftly caught it, ripping the cap off and shoving the end into James' open mouth. I clicked the button as the medicine rushed into his lungs.

"Thanks guys." James said slightly breathless. He leaned his head against the wall exhausted. Gustavo, who had come in with Kelly at some point, awkwardly spoke up.

"Dogs, take the rest of today and tomorrow off. Kelly will have a limo waiting to take you home whenever you're ready." He and Kelly walked out of the room, followed by Mr. X.

"You alright dude?" Kendall asked.

"Yeah I'm good. Thanks."

"Okay, Carlos and I will go get our bags. Logan, stay with James alright?"

I nodded and ran a hand through my hair. I watched as Kendall and Carlos left the room leaving James and I alone.

"Logan...? Why do you look guilty?"

"Because I am!"

"Whoa...what are you talking about?"

"Hello? Did you just miss that whole thing?"

"Nope...I was definitely here for it."

"Exactly! It was my fault!"

"Logan, my asthma isn't your fault."

"Yes it is. I was stupid and fell in the water and you saved me, getting pneumonia, resulting in your asthma."

"Logan, I never have and never will blame you for that. Think about the good that came out of it though."

"Like what?"

"If I hadn't gotten pneumonia I wouldn't have had weak lungs and I wouldn't have started singing to strengthen them. We wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. So stop blaming yourself for it!" Kendall and Carlos walked back in the room with our bags, Carlos tossing me mine while Kendall kept James'.

"Y'all ready to go?" Kendall asked.

Feeling all the guilt finally gone I smiled.

"Yup! Let's get out of here." James said from the floor.

Despite the good mood he was in I could still tell he was exhausted. I walked over and helped James up. We headed out through the door, Kendall and Carlos in the lead while I helped James out to the car.

"Hey James?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Anytime man."

End.

Alright...this was supposed to be a short little one shot...but it wasn't all that short...I'm gonna post it as a one shot anyways though. It was really fun to write and I hope you like it!

Haylee


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